Why Hello There, Breast Cancer!

I have to admit that creating this blog took a while. When it occurred to me that the possibility that the lump on my breast that my doctor found would not be benign (and no, it wasn’t arrogance on my part, it was actually family history), it was just a few days before Christmas. On New Year’s Eve, the radiologist told me in what could possibly be the most casual but with just the right amount of sympathetic undertones that it looked like the mass was indeed, cancerous.

On January 7, I received confirmation from my doctor. Already, the idea of creating a blog was pinging around in my head. Then I thought about Kris Carr who wrote Crazy Sexy Cancer. That gave me pause. I’m not a model and neither do I possess the look of one. I’m a 60-year-old mother of two, a grandmother of one (who prays extra extra EXTRA hard for Nana), and who lately has been spending most of her time creating with paper and watching YouTube videos about paper flowers and art dolls and anything that seemed new and interesting to try.

But then again, I figured I’d be writing the blog for myself and for family and friends who want to know what I’m up to because of and in spite of this new thing.

So today, which was supposed to be my first ever chemo session (but went bust and more about that later), I decided it would be a go. Actually, I set up my easel because I thought I’d like to do a bit of intuitive painting but then the iPad caught my attention and well, here I am.

I now have to explain the title of this blog. 

Before the title came along, I sat here staring at a tote bag that had the words “seeker of everyday magic” on it. I wasn’t really seeing the words at first but like everything in my life, they slowly came into focus. It’s not easy to think of a blog title—at least not for me. Lots of ideas float around but it always takes time. It’s like going to your favorite clothes shop but waiting until you find the one piece that tells you, “Don’t even think about leaving without me!”

Well, it’s not the actual words on the tote that I wanted to use. The tote was a free gift from a magazine I recently subscribed to. The magazine is called in her studio, spaces and stories of creative women (indents mine). I had brought the magazine with me to the chemo center. The magazine arrived in the mail a day or two before but I purposely put off reading it.

When I was nicely settled, heated blanket on my lap, needle stuck in my arm (the insertion of a port into my chest proved to be tricky to schedule), I started reading the magazine. Amber Demien (Senior Managing Editor) used a quote by Victoria Arlen: “We all have challenges.We all have to face them, embrace them, defy them, and conquer them.” 

I thought it was very timely with the cancer and all but then Amber takes it a bit further by adding the words instead of stopping. And that was it! I’d found the one item in the clothes shop that was yelling at me to take it home. 

When I was diagnosed, when I’d met and spoken with the medical team, it seemed as if major changes in my day to day were inevitable. I was already in the throes of rethinking the path I wanted to take with my art but this new, unwelcome change stopped me. Suddenly, I couldn’t complete a thought when it came to continuing a project I’d begun. Neither could I seem to start on a new one. 

So I organized my studio. Again. 

I perused my Pinterest wall. My Instagram feed. YouTube.

For a while there, all I could do was to work on prepping the pages of my bullet journal. Yes, I have a bullet journal. Helps with accountability even if it’s just to myself and even forces me to get things done. 

Which reminds me, I do have to get my workout and yoga in soon.

Anyway, taking the time to look for inspiration and not making any firm decision actually helped. The idea that I didn’t have to commit to any particular kind of art or medium helped me to keep going. It wasn’t long before I started working on a small paper sculpture intended to be housed in a tin that used to hold a bottle of cologne. It’s still not finished but it sits on my table looking quite happy.

So instead of stopping, I’m committed to keep moving in spite of and maybe even because of the cancer. It’s actually easy when you have so many people holding you up. I think that ultimately my efforts will be more for them than for myself. 

I have so many reasons to be grateful and happy. 

And now, I’ve even got a blog title!